So much soul in my body.

Nick Monroe
Former vessel of Lucifer
NOT S14 CANON. SUPER CANON AVERSE.

Loved by Cecil <3

Rules

Sorry if this seems long. It’s actually pretty relaxed. You can skim, but please try to read it.

1.) This blog is going to be super part-time/Low-activity for me. I have mental health issues that keep me from being super active. I also have a life to deal with, as well as prioritizing another writing community for the time being. So part-time activity for now. You’ll likely often see me lurking, you may see some ooc stuff, and some posting of headcanons. Maybe even the occasional meme. But in general I take a little extra time to finish doing memes or threads. But you’re always welcome to drop into my IMs, or my inbox and say hi.

2.) This blog is mutuals only, with rare exception. Meaning, unless I say otherwise for anything, I’m mutuals only. I’ll still talk to people ooc if we’re not mutuals. And accept questions or headcanon memes. But we’ll have to talk first before I feel okay making the exception. And if I do, at that point there’s a high chance I’ll just become mutuals with you unless what you post wigs me out in general (i.e. political posts, callouts, other things. I’m here for positivity not stuff that causes me anxiety.) But conversation is what would have me making the exceptions.

3.) Usual rules apply. No godmodding or metagaming. Don’t force ships. Don’t be rude to me or to others shit ain’t cool, broskis. If you don’t wanna be here, then you don’t have to be.

4.) This blog is an indie, Nick Monroe blog. Yes, from Supernatural. No it’s not anywhere NEAR canon Nick. I’m not particularly a fan of S14 Nick. I’ve written this version of him over various reboots for about 7 years and that ain’t changing just because canon decided to fuck up.

Note that my main fc for Nick is Mark Pellegrino. I do not support MarkP’s dumb assery. He’s just easy to use as a fc because he’s the canon face. If this makes you uncomfortable, that’s fine. If you’d still like to play I can forego icons, or I can use my secondary fc which is Matt Davis. Lemme know. If my use of him is too much even with that, I also understand. Be safe.

5.) My Nick is a genderqueer trans guy. You can consider him Not Cis in every verse I play him in. Not every verse has him with the exact same gender identity. Some verses have him leaning more into agender or fluid gender feels. But he’s never cisgender. I will not be changing this for anyone’s comfort.

6.) Nick has Dissociative Identity Disorder. So: Big trigger warning for dissociation, DID mentions, and trauma! I do not have DID, or it’s OSDD-1 counterparts. Nor am I a mental health professional. I do a lot of research in my spare time, and I have DPDR. It isn’t the same as DID, but I understand having a dissociative disorder, and I understand how it affects everyday life and how much it sucks. Yet I’m still guaranteed to mess up sometimes. I’m only human, and no amount of research will ever have me fully understanding, or getting it 100% right. But I am trying to do it justice and portray it with respect and sensitivity to anyone who has it. So I will play with it and I won’t apologize for that unless I’ve done something specifically problematic that I didn’t notice or know about. I’m more than open to someone correcting me, so I don’t mess up the same way again. If this is something you can’t handle, I understand. Please keep yourself safe!

7.) Speaking of triggers that may appear on this blog, I’m going to go ahead and make a list under this number of what those are. But I’m going to lead with this as a precursor: As a human being, I find myself leaning very much into humor and fluff. On top of the fact that my anxiety keeps me from frequently writing out too many dark headcanons or threads in graphic detail unless I feel it’s relevant to do so. So a lot of this stuff doesn’t get a mentioned frequently. I also make sure I check for triggers in people’s rules pages. I play this off as Nick being a private person, or having dissociated so far away from some of his issues that they don’t come up frequently. I also write it off as him going through healing processes and coping mechanisms. But here’s the list. Each bullet has generally related triggers together. (tagged as such on my blogs: Trigger cw/tw, trigger mention cw/tw, trigger implication mention cw/tw)

--Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder / DID, Trauma, Rape, Sexual abuse, manipulation, consent issues.

--Suicidal ideations, Suicide mentions, a background of self harm (though he doesn’t do so anymore, so it’s all past mentions post-healing), depression, alcohol addiction, other mental health issues.

--The Devil, demons, Possession, probably occasional sacrilegious imagery or symbolism, morally grey background elements, murder, death

--Trans pregnancy, and generalized trans issues.

8.) I have my own triggers, I’ll keep the list to saying that my triggers into full panic are mostly visual, or ooc things. So the triggers are, generally, any visual of abuse of any sort (so rape or sexual abuse, domestic abuse, child abuse, animal abuse, etc.), political posts (I won’t fault you for it. I recognize its importance. You just won’t see it from me, nor will I follow if I see too much of it from you.), callouts (call-out, witch hunt culture is bullshit), self harm and wrist trauma, extreme gore, and Cancer or terminal illnesses. I have writing triggers, but they work differently because of the lack of visual involved, and I find them easier to avoid. And in that case it’s my responsibility to keep myself safe if you’re tagging those, and thus I feel no reason to list them.

It’d be massively appreciated if you tagged your nsfw with something in a default font. doesn’t have to be ‘nsfw’ I’ll follow what I see you using, but it’s appreciated. (On the mention of nsfw, I won’t do any sexual nsfw with minors. I’m open to writing nsfw with people I deeply trust and have had the conversation with. And as Nick can be a saucy person, I will have nsfw headcanons. Of course even with that in mind, it can fade to black with anyone. But it’s going to immediately fade to black with minors. Possible legal issues aside, it would make me uncomfortable, as an adult, to talk explicit sexual acts in that context with a minor.)

9.) Which is a great lead into the next thing. For the most part, I literally do not give a fuck what you RP. If you as a person are not doing those things in your real life, and as far as it’s understood, everyone is consenting and communicating and respecting comfort levels of the people involved in the writing, then I don’t care what you write. Write the dubcon, or the incest, or the whatever else you’re writing. Just keep it in its proper tags. My other suggestion is to keep it out of main tags. It’s hard to curate what you’re seeing when it’s in big tags (I.E Incest in main multishipping tags. It romanticizes incest and that’s fucking dangerous. Same goes for generally toxic or abusive dynamics. I won’t fault you for having your dark content, I get it. But keep it where it belongs and allow others their safety.)

The biggest type of content I take deep issue with inherently is Sexualizing Children in any way, shape, or form. (I know it’s not as written as it used to be, but, like, I’ve become more aware and educated on things than I used to be. So if I ever see the whole Weecest thing or anything similar involving muses or people that are children paired with older kids, or adults, that’s not fucking okay. It really isn’t.) Children should not be sexualized and it’s been kinda half studied or at least observed that often times people who do that even to “curb their own temptations” eventually feel like it’s not enough anymore. Just don’t do it. Don’t go down that road. That’s something you’ll get an immediate block and report for if I see it. It’s different if you’re approaching background elements with respect to people who’ve gone through those things, or yourself if you have and it’s a means of catharsis and an attempt at safely approaching those things for yourself. But it’s different when it’s explicit and sexualized or romanticized. I won’t deal with that. Not even once.

10.) I don’t care if you cisswap. You’re welcome here. (I get the discomfort, and how the language can be harmful. Especially as a genderqueer / trans-nonbinary person, myself. I fully believe people are allowed to choose to avoid cisbends. It's a reasonable choice, and can save a lot of anxiety to curate what you're comfortable and uncomfortable with. I just want to remind people not to assume that the people who do choose to cisbend are doing it in any way to be malicious or transphobic. In fact, I don't think it's heinously transphobic to do it. It's an exploration of socialization differences. Cis people exploring that is fine. Trans people may do it before they figure out their identity and find it helps them sort that out. They may do it after they already know their identity to escape from the reality of dysphoria that they already experience and would rather not deal with in a fictional space. Nonbinary people may do it because it's as much a way to express an identity as writing a nonbinary character. I'd know. Because even though I'll be 100% more likely to write an enby character now, I used to cisbend. So the biggest take-away is that you're not required to play with them, but please don't assume they're immediately shitty people because I promise you they're not. At the very least not because of cisbending. It's Tumblr RP, it's not that serious.)

11.) This a multiship, multiverse blog. Nothing crosses over unless I say it does. The exception being platonic relationships where it makes sense. And romantic bonds may be converted to platonic in other verses. If it makes sense.

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And just a few other quick things:

--I’m 25. If you’re a minor and that makes you uncomfortable, please do what you’ve gotta to keep yourself safe. This includes, soft blocking, hard blocking, unfollowing, and asking me to unfollow. No issues at all. Your safety is important.

--I don’t follow reblog karma. I try to send headcanon memes if I reblog those, but I won’t always send sentence memes. If it’s in your rules to reblog from source, I’ll do that when it’s possible. But I’m not gonna apologize for reblogging and not sending if there is no source left. I don’t owe you interactions, the same way you don’t owe me interactions. I don’t see you as a meme archive. But you can use me for the memes if you want. I don’t care. Live your life.

--I don’t follow call out culture. If I think something is worth watching out for, I will watch out for myself. But I very likely won’t reblog it. I don’t need the anxiety of being able to read and re-read over, and over, and over. This site makes it extremely hard to figure out which call outs are worth making sure people know about, and which ones are just people being assholes because they don’t agree with something. So I don’t reblog them, I just keep myself safe on my own time. I am only responsible for my own actions, I will keep my own blog safe for people and myself as much as I can with tags and shit. But I’m not required to make sure every person is safe from other people. That’s just not possible, and it’s not on me to put that responsibility on myself.

--If I can understand you on a basic level, we can be friends. I don’t expect perfection. I understand English not being a first language, and learning disorders. Both sometimes. We good.

--You don’t have to meet reply length. If I can work with it, then it’s good enough.

--I like multimuse blogs. I have one or two of my own (though they’re on indefinite hiatus, or very low-activity) I tend to prefer when people specify if we don’t have a relationship already. But it’s not required. As long as you have super basic bio skeletons for your characters the way I expect of single muse blogs bios, I’ll still play with you. And just leave things open ended when you don’t specify. I also like OCs, and crossovers.

--I don’t personally play with real people blogs. I want to make it known: It’s not that I directly have issues with people playing real people. It’s as much fantasy and escapism as anything else is. But the risk of the actual people seeing it does make me a bit uncomfortable. Basically, do you. I don’t really have issues with that. But keep it to yourself. Don’t go sharing your shit with the people unless they have explicitly stated that they’re okay with it. That shit is not cool. (I don’t mind historical muses. usually those people are long dead and often times those people have other media that portrays them. It’s a way to explore historical fiction settings. So I am okay following historical muses. The only reason I don’t follow too many is because Nick’s super modern and I’m not always sure how to involve him in those settings. But I don’t have issue with that either.)

--I’m a friendly person. If you’re nice to me and others, and I don’t have reason to believe otherwise, then everything else about you is fine with me. I accept anyone. Nick is generally the same ic.

--You can kill Nick if you want. In general I have been making attempts at having Nick react appropriately to the things and people he fears so that preferably he isn’t murdered without reason. However… he’s still a little shit, and some of his defense mechanisms are sass and anger. So he could still absolutely say something that would get him killed by something or someone stronger. In which case, you’re free to do so without question. Like you can let me know, and I’ll be chill with it. The thing about RP, is that we can start new RPs, or use death as something else and end up in weird plots. You can also hurt, torture, or maim Nick with the same thoughts in place if it’s appropriate. The only things I’d need real discussion toward is dubcon/noncon, and domestic abuses. Because those are things that happen in real life to real people everyday. And I want to give those topics respect and proper thought if it’s going to be a thing that happens at all beyond background mentions. I want to give all dark topics a level of respect and proper approach. But very especially those things. Anything regarding those topics will be tagged appropriately.

--No confronting me if I don’t follow, unfollow, or any level of blocking. I probably had a reason, or it was accidental. If it was an accident and I notice, I’ll refollow. If I did it on purpose, that’s my business. I don’t need the stress of being confronted either way because you wouldn’t possibly know. I’ll give you the same courtesy. If you unfollow, block, or choose not to follow. I will not say a thing, you’re free to a safe dash as much as anyone and if I’m not your jam, then that’s okay.

Stats

—-General

FULL NAME: Nick Monroe

ORIGIN OF NAME: It means “Victory of the people” and he chose it because he felt disconnected to the name he was given at birth, and wanted to be called Nick.

NICKNAMES: Blondie, sweetheart, idiot, “what did you just say to me, mother fucker?”

ALIAS: Nick.

BLOODTYPE: AB negative.

BIRTHDATE: November 24, 1977

AGE: 41

ZODIAC: Scorpio/Sagittarius cusp.

HOMETOWN: His hometown is Baltimore, Maryland. He lived there well into adulthood. And only moved to Pike Creek, Delaware after he got married to Sarah because she wanted to be closer to her family and he was okay with that.

CURRENT LOCATION: New Haven, Connecticut.

PREFERRED PRONOUN(S): He/him, but they/them is also fine.

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Queer.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Pansexual.

RELIGION: Raised baptist, currently faithless.

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Very liberal

KNOWN LANGUAGES: English, ASL, PSE (Pidgin Signed English), and contact signing. (He grew up bilingual in a Deaf and Hard of Hearing family who chose ASL as their way of communicating as opposed to only oralism, and studied to know other forms of sign language used in America at least on a basic level based on interest in trying to understand other people, too. He’s very educated in the language because of that.)

On the low-key, he knows an infernal language from Lucifer’s possession, and also enochian if it’s triggered out. And pieces of other languages, as a semi-mild form of the gift of tongues was unintentionally forced into him. But only when it’s triggered out does that come into play.

OCCUPATION: Tattoo Artist.

LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: Small, two story house. Depending on verse or interaction, it’s that same house, but he shares with one of his best friends, Kennie Rhodes. (in verses where he’s together with someone, he either potentially lives with his S/O, or they live with him and Kennie has chosen to move out to give them privacy despite Nick’s saying “you can stay if you want.”)

FACE CLAIM: Mark Pellegrino. (Alt-fc is Matt Davis.)

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—-Relationships

PARENTS: Robert Monroe (Father), Aria Monroe (Mother), Scott Harrison (biological father; deceased)

SIBLINGS: Eden Sanford-Monroe (Eldest sister), Lacey Monroe (older sister), Elijah Harrison (half-brother of the same age)

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single in the default verse, but verse/interaction dependent.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S): Sarah Tatz-Monroe (wife; deceased), verse/interaction dependent otherwise.

CHILDREN: Toby Monroe (deceased), Dessa Park (still alive), Maya Becker (surprisingly alive.)

CLOSEST FRIENDS: Kennie Rhodes, Maya Becker, and Chev.

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—-Physical Traits

GENDER: Genderqueer trans guy

EYE COLOR(S): Blue.

HAIR COLOR(S): Blond.

HAIR LENGTH: Short, but soft and good to floof.

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: American/white

SPECIES: Human Variant

HEIGHT: 6'3" Tol giraffe lookin’ mother fucker.

WEIGHT: 186lbs

TATTOOS: Tattoo of a snake wrapping up his left arm, Alligator eye on his left shoulder, a tiny cross tattoo on his right index finger, this on his left palm, floral half sleeve on his right arm from his shoulder to his elbow, 2 carnations on his right shoulder with Sarah and Toby’s name and birth and death years as a tribute to them, anti-possession on his left ankle in blacklight ink. A bouquet of sunflowers up his right calve, actually an undecided leg sleeve on his right leg in general too, undecided sternum tattoo, others in various places I haven’t decided yet. But he’s a tattoo artist, so he’s pretty covered.

PIERCINGS: Both his earlobes, and two spots of cartilage on his right ear. navel piercing.

CLOTHING STYLE: A mixture of hipster, and punk bitch. He takes elements from both. Some days he’s more hipster in style, some days he’s more punk bitch. Depends how he’s feeling. Also he’s always wearing sunglasses. Even at night.

SCARS: Most notable are the Lucifer burn scars that are on his face. They are discolored and quite visible, more Lucifer scars in various places, two parallel scars in between his shoulder blades where wings were. He also has small scars on the backs of his hands from punching things, self inflicted scars that are pretty faded or covered with tattoos, a jagged stab scar on his right lower abdomen, small scar from a gun shot to the head while Lucifer was riding him, faded scars on his chest from the top surgery he got years back.

NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: The scars on his face, his height, and his trademark smirk.

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—-Personality

LABEL: 'Pun loving fuck.’

USUAL MOOD/EXPRESSION: Smug as fuck.

ATTITUDE: generally weirdly confident, or smug, sassy, but it varies depending on situations and the day. It also depends which alter is fronting.

EXPRESSIVENESS: He’s very expressive when he wants to be. Sometimes eccentrically expressive. Uses his hands quite a bit for talking. Can get pretty loud when excited.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Funny, sweet, charming, comforting, often feels like home.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Irritable, almost irritatingly sassy, when he feels absolute hatred toward someone he can be super fucking mean, doesn’t take much seriously, a little too private, tendencies toward depression.

LIKES: drawing, reading, journaling, making bad jokes, folding paper cranes, sliding on wood floors, fluffy socks, really bad medical dramas, dancing, signing ASL with people, spending time with friends.

DISLIKES: Devils, the cold, people who hurt the innocent, himself, people telling him what to do, people who take advantage of others’ kindness, crying in front of people.

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—-Other characteristics

HEALTH: Surprisingly good most of the time now that he’s gotten through stuff more, though there is sometimes chronic pains he gets.

ALLERGIES: Peanuts, Almonds, Walnuts. Basically just any kind of nuts.

SLEEPING HABITS: His sleeping habits are absolutely awful because of his insomnia. So it all depends on the moment. But he doesn’t sleep much.

EATING HABITS: He’s a vegetarian, and he keeps to that really well. His only exceptions with the meat thing is if someone didn’t know and it’s a tiny amount (he only deals with it the first time before he lets them know), or when it’s directly a cultural thing from somewhere else. He doesn’t eat nuts, obviously. As for how often he eats, sometimes it’s horribly little amount, or it’s stuff that’s not all that great for him if he doesn’t have the energy for more than crap food. But when he does have the energy, he does try to eat at least semi-okay.

EXERCISE HABITS: He exercises, but it’s not a daily thing that happens. Sometimes he’s more in the zone and can do it a lot. Other times he doesn’t do it for weeks at a time depending on the details of his life and mood at the given moment. He needs someone to work out with or he feels weird about it. And he doesn’t always have that. Plus the fact that he’s not a person who works out in the morning. He’s more of an afternoon, night exerciser. And he can’t guarantee a person to work out with always at those times. But he definitely enjoys dancing, and running if he’s going to do it at all.

EMOTIONAL STABILITY: It’s back and forth honestly. Some days it’s awful. Other times he’s more okay.

SOCIABILITY: Honestly really good, surprisingly. He likes people, and knowing about them. And he likes making sure most people feel welcome if possible.

BODY TEMPERATURE: slightly lower than the normal human because of Lucifer. Nothing that’s unhealthy, just a degree lower so slightly colder. And his hands get frigid fucking quickly.

ADDICTIONS: Alcohol, on and off.

DRUG USE: Rarely. Used to be often right after Lucifer. Things like oxycotin or other painkiller opioids. But he’s gotten help and is past that part of his life and very rarely does drugs anymore. He’s cool with marijuana, but he doesn’t go out of his way for it. It’s very much a casual, social thing.

ALCOHOL USE: He’s on and off on being a huge alcoholic. Right now he’s on an “off” moment. Where he tries to either not drink, or make sure someone with him is sober so they can cut him off once he’s only a bit tipsy. Getting drunk is not something he wants to do right now as it could lead back into the addiction, and he’s really trying not to fall back.

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—-Favorites

WEATHER: Partially cloudy. Not too hot, not too cold.

COLOR(S): Gold, bright green, royal purple, and royal blue

MUSIC: He’s very eclectic.

MOVIE(S): Labyrinth.

SPORT(S): Dancing.

DRINK: Non-alcoholic drink he really likes anything that’s peach, raspberry, or strawberry flavored, rooibos tea, and also chocolate milk. Alcoholic drink he likes fruity drinks, or chocolate vodka.

FOOD: French fries.

ANIMAL(S): ALLIGATORS!!, other reptiles, cats, also parrots and birds like that, also he likes pretty much all animals.

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—-Misc

ABILITIES/POWERS/SKILLS: He can make his eyes glow with residual grace, can sometimes concentrate that grace into other places and change his density, even rarer, can leave traces of frost. Can see aural energies.

WEAKNESSES: The weakness in any of the grace related things is that it lasts a very short time, and has other physical reactions that come after which aren’t good. So it’s not like having those abilities is directly a good thing.

The aural energy is not really one that has a weakness directly. But despite things, he can’t ever make assumptions about anyone, so he’s not great at reading or interpreting the aural energies he sees. They sometimes change, or can be different colors once, or start from different places. And he can only be really sure if it’s definitely a celestial being, or a hell being. And sometimes even that can get slightly confusing considering humans sometimes have smokier, or really bright energies with no connection to the supernatural. He can’t make assumptions about that either.

He also has normal human weaknesses, but also Maya.

GOALS/DESIRES: to be happy, to find peace

FEARS: God, the dark, butterflies, Lucifer, being disappointing, being alone, hurting those he loves, losing himself, and many other things.

HOBBIES: Drawing, reading, making puns at people, hanging with friends, other things here and there.

HABITS: taps everything when his hands aren’t occupied doing something else, makes puns at every available moment, drinks.

ACCENT: it’s more of a lack of accent, but sometimes he can be known to fall into an upper middle class, white Baltimore-ish type accent when very tired because of being raised in Baltimore for a lot of his childhood, and his sister and mother having the accent fairly thickly when they spoke. Sometimes falls into calling people “hon” habitually if he’s not thinking about it.

FINANCIAL STATUS: middle class. He makes a pretty decent amount of money though, honestly.

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THINGS TO NOTE

--While he is trans, and has had top surgery, he hasn’t had bottom surgery, and he doesn’t really want it. Not only that, he has been pregnant before. And while it’s not his first choice, he’s not opposed to it again with extensive conversation and preparation beforehand. Other things to note about that, he is no longer on T. After Lucifer he just felt it wasn’t necessary anymore. And still feels that way for himself. It could change, but it hasn’t as of now. People probably shouldn’t know he’s trans off the bat unless he’s said it to them, or it makes sense for them to know. It’s not a secret, but he’s tired. And doesn’t always want to answer questions some days, and would prefer people see him as himself and not as That Trans Guy. So he keeps it on the down low until he needs to say it, or until it’s relevant. He will drop hints, though. Also he’ll sass a little if you ask really terribly invasive questions, so be aware of that.

--He has meniere’s disease. If you wanna know the basic gist of what that is, you can look it up. But essentially it runs in his family on his mother’s side. And over time he’s going to lose the majority of his hearing. He already hears a lot less than he used to. It flares in episodes so it’s not like he hears less everyday. But every time an episode hits, he hears less in varying degrees. He tries his best to do things to keep it from flaring up super often because the experience of a flare up is terrible and exhausting and lasts hours. He’s not afraid of losing his sense of hearing, he knows ASL from having grown up in a deaf/hard of hearing household. But he’s not a big fan of the symptoms that come with it.

--On the note of Nick’s DID diagnosis. He has a little over 20 alters these days. So it’s not like he only has two or three. He has more than 20. It’s not to thirty that he’s aware of. But it is over 20. He doesn’t have an exact number for himself.

Bio

TRIGGER WARNINGS, please be careful because: vague mentions of CSA, murder, death, trans pregnancy, possession, devil imagery, cancer, and written in a style that mimics the book of Job (AKA: probably some sacrilegious imagery.)

An Imperfect but Upright Child

There was a child in the land of Baltimore, Maryland, whose name was Nick; and that child wasn’t perfect, but he was upright. He feared God. It could be said that he eschewed evil. But he was only a child, barely that. He didn’t know there was evil to be eschewed. Not yet. But he would.

Of his parents were born two previous daughters, his elder sisters.

His substance also seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels, and five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she-asses; All the arbitrary things that were meant to suggest a person’s worth and ability to grow into the greatest person that yet lived on Earth. In reality he was a normal child, with the worth of any child.
His short life that far had been good. Not perfect, but upright.

He didn’t notice the attention lavished more on his sisters than himself. He wasn’t concerned. He was loved enough.

Then his closest sister was struck with illness more than most at far too young an age.

And his parents said unto the doctors, “How did this happen?”

Then the doctors answered the parents, “Sometimes these things happen, and there’s no explanation.”

“But she’s just a child. There’s none like her on earth. What can we do?”

And the doctors gave the parents solutions to help as best they could.

This story isn’t about her, of course. A child who walked up to Death’s doorstep and came back. Not this time.

No. This is about Nick and how evil found its way to him in the shadow of Death.

Skin for Skin

His parents worried for his sister, and his other sister worried too. No one knew how to handle their quickly growing daughter, and two small children. One who needed more attention than the other.

That is when his uncle came unto his parents and said, “Have you considered asking for help?” He gave the impression of being a good and upright man, one who eschewed evil and held fast to his integrity. His parents were moved to agree. They needed someone to watch their youngest while they cared for their sickest.

The devil appears in a multitude of ways. His uncle was one such multitude.

So kind at first. Too kind. Too loving. And Nick’s parents didn’t notice. He didn’t notice either, that the man grooming him, was a monster. He didn’t think to curse the world or him when the devil put forth his hand. Touched his bones and his flesh.

Didn’t think about telling his parents.

He wasn’t thinking of much at all.

He was in his hand, but he spared his life.

Years passed without much issue that he could recall. His sister recovered, his family came back together. The devil left as far as anyone knew.

But kids could be cruel. School was a new pain. Friends were few, and kindnesses shown even fewer. They could see something was off. Wrong. They could almost smell it on him. As far as his peers were concerned he was reaping what he sowed.

Some adults even seemed to feel similarly.

But those years passed still. Those devils passed him by whether or not he remembered.

The devil went from people to puberty. A feeling he didn’t want. This was wrong. This was all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He didn’t want to feel like someone’s sister. He thought it’d be different when he grew older. He wanted it to be different.

And he lost a lot of time to that devil, and the devils that seemed to know more than he did about himself.

The next devil was a truth that came forth about his family. A reality check. An affair.
He never thought honesty would hurt so much.

And he never thought those he was related to could hurt him so much on either side.

But even those moments passed. And finally, he thought, finally god had allowed him to live peacefully. Adulthood. The chance to come into himself. His multiple selves. The chance at love, at family of his own.

He even found himself closer to his sisters.

He got married, had a beautiful wife, Sarah, who held him while too much came to light about his past devils that he didn’t remember. Encouraged therapy. They had a child together. A baby all parts of him would have given everything for.

Then he lost everything. And it felt worse than anything else he’d gone through.

“Either god doesn’t exist, or he doesn’t care about you. But I care. You’re my vessel Nick. I can’t bring them back. But I can give you Justice. Peace.” Said the snake to the drunk after many forced hallucinations of the blood, and the violence. The trauma.

“Then yes.”

The LORD smote Nick with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown.

Possession. Torture of physical and all other proportions.

A year and he was dropped like he was nothing. Nearly dead. Full of demon blood and regrets. Covered in corruption and scars.

After this opened Nick his mouth, and screamed.

He was no Job. He couldn’t rely on a faith in any god, and fell to evil in the shadow of death.

Other things happened, some good, many bad. Many times wishing he wasn’t alive. Many months he didn’t remember. New friendship and love alive. A child conceived turning out to be something good in a time of darkness, and a family to make sure she was well cared for even if it wasn’t with him.

But here he was now, years later. Alive. Very proudly alive.

No God or Devil could change it. He was going to make something of it. Make something of himself.

V E R S E S

Things to note: In every verse, unless otherwise stated, or it doesn’t make sense, he is some level of trans, and he has DID (DID exception is angel verse). Every verse. And the only one it doesn’t matter in is the bird verse. Keep that in mind.

Main Verse-

As of right now, this verse doesn’t have a specific tag. It’s just default interactions without any other specifications.

V. The Persistence of Memory

This verse is kind of the precursor to the current main verse. In that it is part of the main verse. But it is set almost directly post Lucifer. So between the end of season 5 to probably about season 9 overall. It really doesn’t follow any of the big events that the Winchesters went through. It is its own thing. It’s before he’s met a good majority of his friends that he talks about in mainverse.

This is also a verse where the prevalence of the alters taking front is much higher. Especially his main protector Andy. He’s the one that held title of host for a long time to be able to survive what they did. He’s a little more serious than Nick is. Or at least a little less emotionally attached to certain things. He’s willing to do a lot to survive even if it’s not always right. He doesn’t kill or sexually assault people, nor would he ever. But he does steal, solicit himself a bit for his own benefit, and do jobs for people that aren’t exactly always legal depending on time frame to make sure he and his system aren’t out on the streets doing much worse. There is also a recurring set of friends and relationships he has in this verse.

One of which stays his friend up into mainverse. (Kennie.)

There are parts of this verse where the illegal, morally ambiguous things are no longer happening, but there was a good portion of time where that was an existing problem for survival.

He’s also heavily traumatized, and emotionally fucked up. Hasn’t gotten help yet. Certain points there is a baby involved if it’s before he adopted her out. Or before he’s had the baby.

V. Pay your exorcist or you’ll get repossessed

Obligatory s14 inclusion. Except way better, and still my Nick in what I’ve written in background. Basically this verse simply includes the fact that Nick gets repossessed in season 14. But past that it’s extremely, extremely different even up to how he got repossessed. He is not what canon did to him. I refuse.

A few more alters, most likely.

Re-traumatization of possession and torture to get him to that point.

He’s probably a little quieter.

He still has his scars, and even after being stabbed there is some grace that remains connected to him because it’s been essential to his survival as a person.

He doesn’t want Lucifer back, and he doesn’t go out killing people to get revenge for family. He already accepted that they’re long dead. He’s sad about it, but he doesn’t feel a need to figure it out anymore. He just wants to avoid getting possessed again and not die like that.

V. Fandomless

This verse is more or less the same as main verse, even including the precursor verse. Main difference to it is that the Lucifer involved is a fandomless one of my creation and this verse can basically generally apply to people without a supernatural verse. The Lucifer in question can be used in supernatural verses though because they are a terrifying ethereal, multiversal creature who travels between universes. And can still use Nick for things even in supernatural verses as well.

V. How bad can I possibly be?

Demon verse. He’s a demon, or he’s been possessed by one. Could be either thing. I don’t think I need to explain much further. The demon sometimes uses a different name if it’s the situation where he just is a demon, though.

V. Take an angel by the wings

Angel verse. Not Supernatural angels, though. Uses a neutral pronoun, but is fine with any, and has used others depending on the frame of time. They are a guardian angel. They are there to protect and observe humanity and their free will. They also are a messenger when needed.

They do not use a vessel, they created their form themself.

They are extremely loving and full of humor. They tend to follow the will of Their God, but they can be known to bend rules sometimes. They love people, they really do.

V. Boldly Going

Star Trek verse. There are a number of options for this.

One- Security Officer on a starship.

Two- Civilian xenoanthropologist on a starship. You might ask how Nick would be that considering he’s usually an artist. But his other big trait is a love of people and knowing them. So it makes sense for him to want to do that.

Three- He’s somehow got universe jumped into the star trek universe chaotic culture shock ensues.

I love star trek and am always down to play in this one in whatever way you’d like, just let me know.

V. Maker’s breath!

Much like the star trek verse there are multiple options

One- If no one cares, he’s sassy custom Hawke

Two- He could also be the warden or the inquisitor, more than open to that option.

Three- He’s a companion to any of the main characters.

Four- He’s just a character born in the universe with no need to be part of the MCs or their companions. But he could run into them and befriend them regardless. Does his own thing.

and Five- He’s from his normal universe, but finds an Eluvian and gets fucked over and trapped in Thedas in whatever game timeline it is. Culture shock. Fear.

V. Filled with BRAVERY

Undertale verse. He’s the child with the orange soul. The manly bandana and tough glove wearing kid. Which is to say. Surprise, he’s a kid in this verse. For the sake of ease, he does know he’s a boy despite what people telling him otherwise, which is why the choice of manly bandana, and tough glove. And while he does have DID, he doesn’t know that he does because DID is covert. But it does affect him.

V. Birb is the word

Self indulgent verse where Nick’s a bird. He could’ve been turned into one. He could be a werebirb, or he could just be a bird. It would depend on my mood. He’s a scarlet macaw, or secondarily a greenwing. Your character can stay human, they can be another animal, or they can be a bird as well. Whatever makes you comfortable. You’re free to ask for this verse.

V. Smells like teen spirit

Teen verse.

Option 1- Set as a precursor to mainverse and is essentially set in the 80s-90s. He’s who he was then.

Option 2- Teen verse but set in modern times.

He hasn’t gone on HRT, and hasn’t had top surgery yet. He’s in more of a social transition than a physical one. And he doesn’t yet know he has DID, because it’s covert as fuck. But it affects him quite a bit regardless.

-

Super selective verse-

(you have to ask and directly want this verse to get it. Or I have to offer it/feel like playing in it.)

V. 20 alters and a baby

Alt outcome of persistence of memory. Which is just the AU where he kept the baby rather than adopting her out. He is a little different as a person. He’s more recently getting more help. But it is more beginning stages. More switchy nature to an extent.

About Cecil (me)

Hi, my name is Cecil, or H to some. I’m a genderqueer, trans-nonbinary person. I use primarily they/them pronouns, but I’m a little indifferent at the current time. Basically, if people are being genuinely respectful regardless, then I have no qualms with any pronoun. Unless you’re using it to directly try to hurt me with it. At which point I’ll feel a little insulted that you want to hurt me, but I won’t try to fight you on it. Because I’m still indifferent to pronouns at this time.

I’m 25 years old.

Things about me, I have about 7 cats. Three birds. I love all animals. I like playing sims. I like reading. I play DnD.

I also really like writing.

I don’t reblog political posts, fundraisers, call outs, or discourse. I won’t fault you for doing such, but I have severe anxiety problems so you won’t find it here, nor will you find me following you here if you post it too much.

Mostly it’s because the ability to read and reread any of those things causes my anxiety to spike. Discourse is just a lot. Call-outs are hard to tell if they’re reasonable or not. Fundraisers I can’t have on my blog lest I risk feeling like nothing I give is good enough if I’m not giving all of it. Which is not a healthy mindset for me to have. So I’ll do stuff on my own, and then I won’t reblog it. That’s a personal thing. Political stuff I deal with irl, I don’t need it on my dash which is a safe space for me.

Other than that, I consider myself a decently nice person. I will accept anyone if they are kind to me, and kind to others.

As mentioned I do have some mental health issues, which is partially why this blog is part time at the current moment. Tumblr is a very toxic place. I’ve met some good people. And I want to continue to meet and talk to those people. But to be fair to myself, there is lots of elitism, and witch hunt culture. Not about it. It gives me anxiety.

I hope you like my blog. And if not, I hope you find a blog you do like somewhere else. Which sounded shady, but I genuinely mean that. If you don’t like this, find happiness elsewhere. This site is a hell site. Find your group, your niche, your entertainment wherever you find it. Even if that’s not here. Maybe especially if it’s not here.

I have some sideblogs you can follow if you like. All follows for them will come from this blog:

@virtuehcights- OC multimuse for characters in my Nick's background, and/or current story in some cases. Does have dark content in some cases, depending on the character.

@hepromisedmepussy- Nick's nsfw blog. 18+. Just for funsies. Not meant for dark content.